Check-In: 2015-01-29 (Thursday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (yoga, walking, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (scribbles to bits, reading, meditation)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature, dog, watching dance)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends, watching dance)

Yesterday I went to a presentation by ODC Dance at the Royal Theatre in Victoria. I took Karen as a birthday present to her--Mark was also invited but declined. I suppose artsy dance is less his thing.

Karen and I quite enjoyed it. The dancers all had spectacular strength and body control, the choreography was pretty wild and emotive. Some of the artsiness was inaccessible to me but enjoyable nonetheless.

I'm counting the ODC Dance as both an emotional win and a social win, since it was entertainment but also a lot about human beings and communication.

I've been logging a lot of wins in a lot of categories lately, and my mood has been good. These things are likely related. I'm really tired today for some reason, but I think that was a calorie deficiency--after doing yoga yesterday, I think my burn rate is just really high and my breakfast wasn't big enough. I've had an early lunch to compensate and am starting to feel more alert. Might need to be a bit of a rest day today.

Zen Wisdom

This is an unfinished piece of dialogue from my notebook. It needs more work before proper publication (I don't even have a story in mind yet), but it's relevant to my recent thoughts. It also reminds me of a conversation I once had with my dad. It's taken a couple of decades for me to finally understand what he was getting at.

Past Self: Want to read some Zen Koans?

Future Self: No, thanks. I'm going to do the dishes.

Past Self: The dishes? Really? You'd rather perform some kind of plebeian chore, some mindless and unfulfilling drudgery, rather than employ your mind interpreting the sage wisdom of some of humanity's greatest minds?

Future Self: Well, we just ate, so the dishes are all dirty.

Past Self: Psst. Fine. Go scrub. I will remain here, and seek Enlightenment.

[Future Self leaves.]

Zen Reading:

A student approached a master and asked for words of wisdom.
"Have you eaten?" the master asked.
"Yes," the student replied.
"Then you should wash your bowl."
Hearing this, the student was enlightened.

[Past Self contemplates this for a moment.]

Past Self: I can't believe he's missing this just to do chores.

Check-In: 2015-01-28 (Wednesday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, kung yoga, diet, sleep)
Willpower: TOTAL WIN! (cleaning)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature, dog, cleaning)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends, corresponding with family)

Yesterday was a profound victory of willpower--the result of all the practice I have been getting lately. And it's interesting how the simplest things can be the most powerful at times.

There's an old Zen Koan where the great revelation for the student, after having eaten, is that now he should wash his bowl. This is what I am now succeeding at: yesterday, I swept up the entryway where all the pine needles get into the house, and cleaned the kitchen. And most importantly, I enjoyed it. It was pleasant to turn my desire for a cleaner space into a cleaner space.

It was also infectious. My friend Mark was so happy to have a clean kitchen that he cooked up some great meatballs and, using them as one of the ingredients, made nachos for dinner.

Gaining willpower is really giving me a sense of possibility. If I have willpower, I can make anything I choose become reality. Recently I've begun to wonder if I should study science again. Maybe Earth and atmospheric science. Maybe nuclear physics. Maybe kinesiology. With a steady application of willpower, these are all very possible.

Check-In: 2015-01-27 (Tuesday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, rest, diet, sleep, EDIT: dancing)
Willpower: WIN! (rest, communication, EDIT: dancing)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature, dog, EDIT: dancing)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends, corresponding with friends and family, EDIT: dancing)

Tuesday was a rest day after the Vancouver trip. My head was so stuffed full of experiences that it took a full day to unwind. I still got a fair bit of walking done, and even a little bit of kung fu (kicking and balance), but I mostly just relaxed.

It's worth noting that I gave many of the categories a grade of "pass". This is a good grade. As much as wins and total wins are great, pass is still good. Pass still means that I am doing well, and should maintain a healthy spirit. That's the key. Win and total win are just gravy.

EDIT: Oh right, and dancing! Tuesday was my second jazz dance class, which adds a bit of victory to all of the categories. My point about the grades being "pass" still stands, though Tuesday is no longer an example.

The Vancouver Minute

Considering that I was in Vancouver for only a little more than 30 hours, this is going to be a long post. It's amazing how much you can pack into a short visit in a big city, though some of this story begins with the ferry.

I've never been on a ferry of this size before--at least not since I was about 2, which doesn't factor much into my memories. And I had a blast, mainly because of the Fog Deck (officially referred to as the Sun Deck). The Fog Deck is like being able to get outside of an aeroplane while still in flight so you can watch the ailerons during the landing. Also, instead of peering out of a tiny window at land miles beneath you, you can see the houses and rocks mere yards away.

 I never get bored of rocks covered in moss.

I met my mom's relatives, Eddie and Val, just outside the ferry terminal. They'd rented a car so they could show me the area, and we drove around Gastown (lots of lights and shops and hipsters), English Bay, and Stanley Park. They then dropped me at Science World for the afternoon, which was unfortunately overrun with children but still good for some reminiscing, and picked me up a couple hours later.

We then stopped at their apartment on Haro and walked up to Denman for dinner at a Japanese restaurant named Kingyo, where we had delicious prawns, tofu and pork, chicken karaage, sashimi salad, and hot sake. I then had to walk with some determination to meet my step goal for the day, so I marched along Denman and Beach in a loop.

This is where I ran into the first of the Strangers of Vancouver, which I'll cover in a bit. It's also where I took a picture of the sculpture at the top of this article. Normally I like to avoid flash on cameras, as it just bleaches everything (without sophisticated flash equipment, that is) but this time it really made the monument pop out of the darkness.

This hide-a-bed is lovingly referred to as The Tiltin' Hilton

This is the the view from where I slept. It's really something to roll over in the middle of the night, glance out the giant windows right next to you, and see the lagoon, Stanley park, and the lights of the Lion's Gate Bridge.

A glimpse of the UBC campus.

The next day Val drove me to UBC to ask about courses, though by this point I've become unsure about what I want to do, though in a good way: it feels like I can do anything, and being on a campus only enhances that feeling. I was pretty uncertain when I told the UBC advisor that I was investigating video game design programs. On the other hand, she directed me towards Simon Fraser's Interactive Art and Technology program, which has piqued my interest.

This of course meant visiting SFU in the middle of Surrey. Val had dropped me off so she could return the car and get work done, so I was on my own with no understanding of the transit at all, other than a suggestion that I probably wanted the 99 to get to the Sky Train. But I managed to find a drug store, buy a day pass, get on the 99, and get to the train, at which point I could basically get anywhere in the city.

I managed to reach SFU in time for their drop-in hours for general student counselling, but not during the hours for that specific program, so I now have some information on application requirements but not much on the program itself, alas. This convinced me that I needed more time to just research and plan, and that it was worth retreating to Victoria to do so. So I headed for the ferry again and managed to make the 7:00 pm back to Victoria.

A port near Tsawwassen. Put lights on anything and it'll be pretty in the dark.

Strangers of Vancouver

During my visit to Vancouver, a fair number of people struck up conversations with me. I don't know if this is normal in large cities, but it typically doesn't happen to me in Edmonton:

Drunk guy from Saskatoon on Denman Street: As I was doing my march to get steps, a random drunk guy said he thought I was someone he knew. He seemed baffled by the notion that I was just walking around the block. Then again, he had the glassy-eyed look of someone who'd had a lot to drink, so he was probably just stuck in baffled-mode.

New Grandma on the Sky Train: A woman sat next to me on the Sky Train and happily explained that she had just become a Grandma.

Kind Asian Woman on the Canada Line: On my way to the ferry, an Asian woman sat next to me. There was an abandoned coffee cup on the seat and she asked if it was mine--it wasn't, but I got rid of it anyway. I asked her about the Bridgeport stop and wondered if I'd make the 5:00 ferry. She thought it was likely. She was wrong, as it turned out, but it was still a pleasant sentiment.

English-Accented Woman Angry At Her Work: She sat next to me on the Canada Line after the Asian woman had left. Out of the blue, she asked me to verify if the text she was composing made sense, which apparently had to do with getting approval from her work to take a course. She was convinced she was being blocked for political reasons. I gave her some minor suggestions and she seemed happy(-ier).

It was fun to reminisce about past trips to Vancouver. I found my favourite exhibit at Science World: the cloud chamber, which shows streaks of condensation anywhere that high-energy particles hit it. Dad and I stared at it for ages last time I visited the place. It is now tucked in a corner, ignored by the public entirely except when I drew attention to it by staring at it. Even then, they didn't seem to care very much. I'm just fascinated by the idea of these particles of energy zipping through the world, everywhere, all the time.

The other fun memory, from the same trip where Dad and I stared at the cloud chamber, was that I was keen to ride the Sky Train just because I liked the idea of a... well, a train in the sky, dammit. Mom and I rode it to one end and back just for the experience of doing so. Hopefully she enjoyed it as much as I did.

There's plenty more I could cover about my overnight stay in Vancouver, from the discussions I had with Eddie and Val about how to live life, or the fingers-crossed tension of Val's daughter's job interview (it now sounds likely that she got it), but that would take more than a quick blog post, and this is already not a quick one. For now, I'm happy to just rest, walk the dog, and tidy up my belongings again--and to get ready for tonight: jazz dance class number two.

Check-In: 2015-01-24 (Saturday) to 2015-01-26 (Monday)

I'm rolling the last few days together, because after my trip to Vancouver I can barely remember what I did on Saturday, and Sunday and Monday just roll together into one big memory-ball.

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, diet*, sleep)
Willpower: TOTAL WIN! (navigation, conversations with strangers)
Emotional: TOTAL WIN! (walking outdoors, sky-scraper views of Vancouver and bays, dog)
Social: TOTAL WIN! (visiting with relatives, visiting with friends, talking to strangers)

* Monday was not so good on the diet, given that I was grazing coffee shop sandwiches and fast food most of the day. Though I did at least eat fruit and yogurt for breakfast.

My overnight trip to Vancouver has given me the first across-the-board total win, so I have good reason for feeling groggy today, despite getting reasonably good sleep last night. Partly, my brain is still stuffed full of experiences, my willpower is drained from so much exercise, and my legs are tired from standing on transit for hours during a 20,000 step day.

Tonight is jazz dance class, but fortunately I don't find that to be a particularly intense physical workout, so I'm otherwise just gonna take it easy. I'm going to shoot for my step goal provided my feet are okay with it, but I'm not going to be particularly ambitious otherwise.

Proton Vacuum Pack

Mark has the coolest vacuum cleaner ever. That is all.

...well, I guess there is a little more to it: I really enjoyed doing the vacuuming. And not just because I spent the whole time making rocket noises with my mouth and pretending I was flying a jetpack, though that did help. But mostly it's because I'm learning to really enjoy cleaning. There's something satisfying about it that I've recently begun to cultivate.

Partly there is the sense of a job well-done. There's also an aesthetic sense to it, of course. Being able to look at a clean counter or a clean rug is pleasant. But most of all, I enjoy the sense of efficiency. The best part about a clean counter is that it's now easier to prepare food because of the clear space. The best part about a clean floor is that it's easier to exercise on because there isn't as much grit getting in the way (mainly pine needles). I like setting up recycling boxes so that it's easy and convenient to recycle, and so on.

Fundamentally, this is a low-IQ form of engineering (though people with high IQs can an do apply them to the same problems). That is, these are all little ways to make life easier and more efficient. The mental challenge and accomplishment I get from overcoming this problems is enjoyable.

To wax pretentious about it, cleaning is now a part of my meditations. It's a really simple, low-threshold-to-entry way of feeling good about my abilities, even if it's just doing the dishes.

Check-In: 2015-01-23 (Friday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, kung yoga, rest, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (game design, cleaning, reading)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature, walking alone in nature, dog)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Yesterday was a good day, and my mood today is responding accordingly: I'm having a very upbeat and positive day.

I did 20,000 steps yesterday and it still felt like a rest day. I even did some kung yoga and it still felt like a rest day. The need thing about meditative exercise is that you automatically do the right amount. If you are tired, you will do less. If you are under-exercised, you will do more. Yesterday it consisted mostly of isometrics and stretching.

I'm still reading Chris Hadfield's book, which remains excellent so far. His thoughts on how to live a good life are wise and reasonable and well expressed.

I took a walk by myself yesterday afternoon, which was nice. While walking with others is more sociable, walking alone really lets you enjoy the environment around you, and Victoria's environment is especially pleasant, so I'm upping my emotional victory for the day.

Things To Do

I recently decided to quit my job in order to pursue more creative options. Fiction, blogging, maybe a Let’s Play or a kickstarted boardgame.

When I think of how much work each of these things requires in order to be attempted, never mind the work required to actually start generating income with them, I easily find myself daunted. Just think of all the things I have to do.

But recently, it occurred to me that this adventure, successful or not, will be a lot of fun. Just think of all the things I’ll get to do.

Check-In: 2015-01-22 (Thursday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (cooking, cleaning, reading, scribbles)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature, dog)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends, video chat with friends)

Yesterday was another physical day, primarily via walking. I managed to hit 25,000 steps, a new record, and my feet were pretty happy with it the whole time. Only at the very end did they start to say, "Y'know, we're good."

I got a solid sleep last night, though I'm still pretty pooped today. Today will be a rest day. I will take advantage of this to get some typing done, though. I have a lot of scribbles to turn into bits.

Check-In: 2015-01-21 (Wednesday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (yoga, walking, playing with dog, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (reading, game design, meditation, cooking, cleaning)
Emotional: PASS (walk in nature, dog)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends, corresponding with family)

Another well-rounded day. I made a salad for dinner--not much of an accomplishment for most people, granted, but I haven't made them often so I'm counting it for some willpower. And with the reading and game design and meditation on top, that's an easy win.

Also had another 20,000 step day on top of doing yoga in the afternoon. I'm becoming a serious contender on the Victoria Fitbit boards (though nowhere near top spot--my friend Mark has that nicely sewn up for a long time yet). I'm solidly fourth-to-third on the weekly board and 17th on the month, since I started a week late. On active minutes I just took fourth spot on the monthly board, though.

Yoga is feeling different these days. In the last couple of months, I've been more active with yoga than at any point in my past, I think, even though each session is a bit milder than normal because it is self-directed. But my muscles have reached a new density now, which means they can flex stronger for less work and feel better when doing so. I'm starting to view the floor more abstractly, as a surface that can be interacted with in a number of ways rather than just that ground thing that you stick to. It's almost like being an astronaut, floating in space, and then coming across a surface that accelerates toward you. Standing and walking is a perfectly acceptable way of interacting with that surface, but only one of many.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense outside of a yoga meditation. In practical terms, it makes planks and side planks interesting.

Jazz Hands!

So last night was my first ever dance class, a jazz dance intro course offered by the Saanich rec centres.

I signed up because I've found kung fu and yoga to complement each other really well, largely because they are so different from one another--kung fu is about power and speed while concentrating on what's around you, while yoga is about breath and control while concentrating exclusively on yourself. So I figured dance might add a focus and movements much different than both of these.

Well, I was right. What I hadn't anticipated was the rhythm aspect... yes, I know it's crazy that I didn't anticipate rhythm being a part of dance. Or maybe I did, but I didn't expect to be thrown into it so quickly. I thought maybe we'd do some basics and conditioning before getting into actual, y'know, dancing.

But no, even though it was only a one-hour class, and an intro one at that, we did our warm up to music (including a rib-isolation exercise which is more dancy and less violent than the name might suggest), then did some basic stepping, and then did some kind of short hip-hop dance involving nacho chips or something.

Apparently one of the things that distinguishes jazz from many other forms of dance is that there's a lot of syncopation, which apparently means "really challenging if you don't even know beats yet" because you're often moving on the half-beat. It's very quick.

Take turns, for example. You spin in place, doing a 360 using footwork that is very reminiscent of a kung fu cross step followed by a cup choi (spinning punch). But in kung fu, at least in Hung Gar, you want to be low and strong. In dance you want to keep your footwork much tighter so you can do the full spin on a single beat. Oh, and in dance you probably shouldn't clock anyone with a spinning punch.

Anyway, I'll permit myself a little boasting: after the warm-up the teacher immediately asked me if I was a martial artist, and gushed for a minute or two about my body awareness. And then caught herself and made a careful point of telling everyone that they'd done a good job. Maybe it's just that I was the only boy present, but I seem to have impressed her in any case.

Okay, boasting now accomplished, there was a student returning from a previous session. It was neat to see what she was doing, because while I followed the steps, she actually danced. It'll be neat to eventually reach the point where I'm able to do the same.

In any case, it's time for the morning (well, lunch-time) walk. The sun is shining, and that's worth enjoying when you get the chance out here. Not that the misty evenings aren't also beautiful and pleasant in their own enchanting way.

Check-In: 2015-01-20 (Tuesday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, dancing, diet)
Willpower: WIN! (dancing, reading)
Emotional: WIN! (dancing, walking in nature, dog)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends, meeting new people)

So the score for yesterday is definitely being influenced by my first-ever dance class. It wasn't too physically demanding, though combined with a 20,000 step day and a healthy diet it earns a total win. I was a bit late getting to sleep, though I did lie down around 1:00 am. I'll aim to get to bed a bit early tonight.

Dancing was also a cognitive challenge (I have virtually no musical training, so counting beats is new), so combined with a lot of reading that's some good willpower victory. It was also fun and social, earning emotional and social points.

I'm starting to see why dance is so ingrained in human nature that babies will dance without instruction the moment they hear a good beat. Apparently it's good for you across the board.

Check-In: 2015-01-19 (Monday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (exercise, rest, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (cleaning)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature, dog)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Yesterday was definitely a low day in terms of my physical and emotional states. Walking felt more like a drag than a joy, and I had no drive for extra exercise--which I think is perfectly healthy and natural. While I haven't done formal yoga in a while, I've done a lot of incidental poses, like doing planks in the living room for a few minutes or doing chi kung isometric exercises while watching TV. So I think I was just in need of a rest day.

I also had an emotional low. I went downtown with the intent of finding adventure, but just sat in a restaurant, people watched for a bit, and then came home (though I did manage to pop into a board game store to pick up Snake Oil on the way).

But I went to bed early last night, had a nine-hour sleep, and now I feel much more eager and spry physically and emotionally. It's amazing what exhaustion can do to your mood (and, correspondingly, what a good rest can do to it too).

Check-In: 2015-01-18 (Sunday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (exercise, rest, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (blogging, game design)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature, dog)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Started work on the Illuminati-inspired Darkblood board game, which felt like a good accomplishment. Actually, I think this may have started Saturday and then I got more done Sunday evening--the days are blurring a lot lately, since every one of them involves walking, visiting the dog, and some kind of creative exercise, whether that's blogging or game design or whathaveyou.

It's a good routine, though I am looking forward to my classes starting up so I have a little more to differentiate the days. I start a jazz dance class tonight, but swimming doesn't start until February. I think I may look for some yoga as well--usually it's possible to find yoga drop-in classes.

Check-In: 2015-01-17 (Saturday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (exercise, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (blogging)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature, dog, emotional work)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends, deep conversation)

Saturday I got a lot of emotional... er... "work" done? The morning kicked off with a good tete-a-tete with Karen where we discussed, amongst many other things, the tendency for people to judge themselves much more harshly than they judge others. She suggested looking at my own behaviours and how I describe them to myself, and then imagining how I would describe the same behaviours if I observed them in other people.

This set the tone for a lot of introspection, I guess. I took a bath last night with the intention of having a mellow, physically pleasant experience, but ended up thinking a lot about the origins of my various hangups. So I didn't do too well at describing my behaviours generously, I guess, but I was able to be honest with myself about how they came about, and was generous about understanding the behaviours without being overly judgemental about them. I think the process was good overall, if a bit unpleasant while it was happening.

Placebo - Now Extra Strength!

The word "placebo" is kind've a negative one. Placebo is the thing that drugs and other treatments always have to defeat in order to prove that they're effective. Placebo is just the body tricking itself, shame on it.

Or at least, that's how I used to think about it. More recently, however, I've been gripped with a different perspective: if every single effect that a drug can ever have on the human body must overcome the placebo effect, then that means placebo makes every single thing about you better! Immune system is low? Placebo will boost it. Want to run a little faster or jump a little higher? Placebo will boost that too. Want to think more quickly, memorize things better? Use placebo!

Sure, the placebo effect isn't a huge gain, necessarily. If you have a choice between highly effective cancer drugs and placebo, take the drugs (and use the placebo effect in addition to the drugs). But the fact that it effects every single aspect of human life makes placebo really quite powerful.

Imagine you're a jogger. You could challenge yourself in several ways, such as jogging faster, having better endurance, seeing better muscle and cardio benefits from jogging, your feet and joints suffering less from the impacts and healing faster when they do suffer. Now throw the placebo effect on ever single one of these. Even a 5% boost across the board will have a profound effect on your overall jogging ability over the course of a year.

And all this without any harmful side-effects, another one of placebo's huge selling points.

Using the placebo effect deliberately is a bit of a trick, of course. The more you believe in the effect, the better it works. Apparently, little placebo pills work better than big ones, because little ones look more potent. Placebo capsules work better than placebo pills. Placebo injections are even more effective.

So in order to really take advantage of the placebo effect, you need to really think that it'll work. When you think you're getting medicine that'll work all on its own, the placebo effect kicks in. If you know you're getting sugar pills, it won't help that much.

So you seem to have two choices for using this powerful tool:

1. Lie to yourself. Find some kind of "magic" or fake medicine and/or get someone to trick you into believing that your treatment really works.
2. Be honest with yourself. But now you don't get to use the placebo effect, because you know your fake treatments are just fake.

I'm really not keen on the whole dishonesty thing, especially when it comes to talking to yourself. So I'm trying to work on a third angle:

• Believe in the placebo effect itself.

That is, believe, deeply and truly, that the placebo effect will help you.

This requires viewing it with a certain awe and wonder--even viewing it as "magical" if you can. As someone more prone to atheism and respecting the scientific method, this is tricky.

However, the universe itself is magical, in terms of the beauty and elegance of the natural laws. The way that simple rules, via quantum and chaos effects, turn into the infinite complexity of the universe is a staggering truth. If I can see the placebo effect as a manifestation of that wondrous universe, as nature's built-in healing energy, to be channelled and directed by my mind to enhance my entire life, I could begin to see that as something magical.

This may not be the sort of magic that Harry Potter would use, but it has the advantage of really existing, and actually working, which only makes it easier to believe in.

To put your mind in the right frame, immerse your imagination in this wonderful song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGK84Poeynk

The universe is magical. Science is the open-minded and delighted exploration of that magic.

And thanks to my friend Jason for co-inventing the phrase, "Extra Strength Placebo".

EDIT: My parents pointed out that if you are using any treatment and really believe that it will work, the placebo effect will help make that true. Case in point for me: if you truly believe that doing exercise will boost your confidence, placebo will kick in when you exercise, increasing the confidence boost.

Check-In: 2015-01-16 (Friday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, kung/yoga, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (scribbles to bits, trip planning)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature, dog)
Social: TOTAL WIN! (corresponding with family and other relatives, visiting with friends, gaming, vid-chat with friends)

I think yesterday may be the strongest day since I've started this blog, at least in terms of the check-in accounting. The long series of Physical total wins I've been getting has been costly in time, but I think we're starting to see the pay off. Consistent physical health boosts energy, creativity, and mood.

Also, Project Own the Night is going great. I have none of my destructive habits here, and the desire to do well at the Fitbit game the next morning is motivating me to get good rest. Oh, and sometimes I've worked hard enough that I'm just plumb tired.

Check-In: 2015-01-15 (Thursday)

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (exercise, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (scribbles)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature, dog)
Social: PASS (visiting friends, corresponding with family)

"Scribbles" is my name for writing down ideas in notebooks. I'm not sure if it's really a "willpower" victory, but as it's of benefit to my creative career, I'm counting it as a pass at least.

Otherwise, another good day in Victoria. Especially on the exercise front: I was able to crest 22,000 steps and get in some kung yoga besides. I've found a form of splits-plus-push-ups thing I really like.

Check-In: 2015-01-14 (Wednesday)

One week in Victoria!

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, spontaneous movement, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (email, course investigation)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

I'm still finding my routine. I'm really enjoying all the physical movement and exercise, but need to build in more work time, too. Then again, Mark and I walked to the local rec centre to see what kinds of courses are available. I think the social element of a course or two would really do me some good, and I'm intrigued so far by dance and photography. I'm also really interested in their one-day "try SCUBA and see if you like it" but I've already purchased tickets to a different event for that evening. Oh well, there may be other opportunities.

Check-In: 2015-01-13 (Tuesday)

Physical: WIN! (walking, diet, sleep)
Willpower: PASS (work, email)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Tuesday I sent in my official, official resignation letter to work and made contact with a hobbyist board game designer here in Victoria (a friend of my friend Mark). The physical rest-days continued, as I'm still getting lots of walking (15,000+ steps) and it took me quite some time to recover from all the yoga and spontaneous movement exercise from the previous days. Also, my body is still getting used to being fit again.

Had an amazing bath. Mark made a point of getting a tub that he describes as "big enough for a real person". It's big enough that I could do some yoga poses in it, which was really fun in the warmth and buoyancy. A generous dash of Epsom salts did wonderful things for my achy muscles. I came out feeling like I'd regenerated like Wolverine.

How to Stop Feeling Like a Piece of Shit

My dad sent me a link to a Reddit post where the original poster (OP) feels like he has no willpower and is doomed because of it. The link is really interesting because the top comment, by a user named Bombjoke, describes a simple method for incremental, willpower-building habits. Worth a read, especially if you are feeling willpower-light.

http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1x99m6/im_a_piece_of_shit_no_more_games_no_more_lies_no/

I'm not going to grab index cards for this myself as I have a slightly different habit-building style, but here's the key elements, as I've found them:

1. You win by starting with small goals. It's really easy to dream big, and tell yourself that you're going to transform over night into some kind of perfect eater, perfect exerciser, perfect worker, or whatever. But this almost always results in failure, because it's overly ambitious. Instead, think of the new behaviour as a plant. It starts as a tiny sprout, and with care and maintenance will grow.
2. Be easy on yourself when you fail. It's really easy to get angry and frustrated when you miss your goal, but it's not useful. You will just create a negative emotion about the whole endeavour, which will make it more difficult to feel motivated. Instead, just gently get back on track. And, as Bombjoke points out, consider if a small change could help you.
3. Enjoy it. It's easier to keep doing things that are fun. I developed the habit of drinking water instead of cola by enjoying the fresh, pleasant feeling of the water, like it is gently cleaning my throat and stomach. This pleasure-based habit is now so strong that I often prefer water to cola, as the former seems pleasant while the latter can easily feel cloying and over-sweet. Intelligently hedonistic habits have great staying power, because they feel good.

Anyway, that's enough lecturing from me. Bombjoke does a great job of explaining the process. Give it a read.

The First Few Days in Victoria

I've now been in Victoria for six full days plus a couple of partial days. I still feel like I'm in a "settling-in" phase, though that phase is now well under way.

I picked up a new jacket with reflective strips so that I'm less likely to get hit by a car while walking at night--added to the reflective patches on my new shoes I should make a fairly obvious target. The jacket is also a nice weight for the conditions here, as my large Gortex coat with hoodie for an under layer was sometimes overheating.

I'm doing laundry for the first time. It's a simple thing to learn a new laundry machine, but it's still good to now know the routine, so it'll be even easier next time. I've similarly gotten a hang of the dishes routine. I've been to the local grocery store on my own a couple of times and downtown a couple of times, so I'm starting to feel mobile too. I'm currently experimenting with cafe's, trying to find the right fit of vibe, busy-ness, and chair-comfortableness to make a good writing haunt (Caffe Fantastico, in the image above, has good coffee and atmosphere but hard chairs that don't encourage long visits).

In the last couple of days, I've begun the process of "turning scribbles to bits", which is procedure of taking notebook scribbles and start sorting it into electronic files for later development into real projects.

Even my sleep is settling into a good routine. I'm up between nine and ten, which is pleasantly late but early enough to still make a good day, and I'm getting between seven and eight-and-a-half hours (with one really short night on Saturday due to cola).

So as unfashionable as it is to tell a story where everyone is doing well, that's my report for the moment.

Check-In: 2015-01-12

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (walking, diet, sleep)
Willpower: WIN! (writing, business)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Another really good day yesterday. I didn't do any yoga or spontaneous movement exercise, but with all the hard workouts of the previous days, it was time for a rest. And I hit over 20,000 steps, which is a pretty fine rest day.

Check-In: 2015-01-11

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (exercise, diet, and early bedtime)
Willpower: PASS (meditation)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature)
Social: PASS (visiting with friends)

Yesterday was a poster day for exercise. Twenty thousand steps walking, meditative kung fu and yoga, healthy food in moderate doses, and an early bedtime.

I hope to bring the Willpower up into the WIN! category by doing some writing work today--while meditation is a good way to get a pass for the day, it's more of a defocusing exercise than a focusing exercise. Also, as I'm on a writing retreat, writing is going to be my primary goal for this category for a while.

I need to give emotional some thought. Walking in nature is going to happen a lot while I'm in Victoria, but I still feel like I could boost this somehow. Maybe as I feel more of a sense of self-actualization from the writing this category will buoy up a bit more. I'm also planning on joining some classes soon which should give me more emotional boost.

Social is similar, in that passes will be easy but I'd like to increase it somehow. Mark and Karen are great friends, but I think I still need to branch out, re-establishing contact with my Edmonton friends and making some more new friends here too.

Check-In: 2015-01-10

Physical: WIN! (exercise, diet, but late bedtime)
Willpower: PASS (meditation)
Emotional: PASS (walking in nature)
Social: WIN! (visiting with friends)

The late bedtime was a strike against Project Own the Night. Apparently drinking cola in the evening wasn't a good idea. Though I had a really productive time of it at least, meeting some gamers, then doing a ton of exercise and meditation, then jotting down a pile of notes (which I now have to compile which will hopefully result in a strong Willpower win today). Oh, and the amount of physical exercise was so high that I kept a WIN! in the Physical category despite sleep being my primary goal.

Check-In: 2015-01-08

Physical: WIN! (walking)
Willpower: PASS (word count)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature)
Social: TOTAL WIN! (visiting with friends, corresponding with family)

First full day back in Victoria. Picked up a Fitbit, got it charged by 6 pm and still made the 10,000 step goal for the day. A good run.

Check-In: 2015-01-09

Physical: TOTAL WIN! (yoga, walking, diet, sleep, water)
Willpower: PASS (blog writing, notebook ideas, yoga meditation, email to work)
Emotional: WIN! (walking in nature)
Social: TOTAL WIN! (visiting friends, corresponding with family)

Yesterday was a complete victory with Willpower as the weakest category. Even there, I was pretty productive with my writing, just not terribly focused.

I also hit the hay early, around 11, though it did take a little more than an hour for my body to cool down from burn-calorie mode to time-to-sleep mode. This is good though, as it speaks to how well the exercise went that the engines were running so hot. And I still got to sleep a little after midnight, with Fitbit telling me I got over 9 hours of sleep.

If I can keep this up, I'll be productive as all hell, with an energetic, focused, well-rested, well-exercised mind.

Living a Life of Pleasure via Enlightened Hedonism

A couple of definitions, according to Google:

1. Hedonism: the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence.
2. Enlightened: having or showing a rational, modern, and well-informed outlook; spiritually aware.

The paradigm image of hedonism, in my mind, is shooting drugs while screwing a random stranger in the midst of an orgy and shovelling chocolate into your mouth. But imagine what happens when pleasure is pursued not with mindlessness, but with mastery: instead of merely rushing from one high to the next while his life crumbles, the master of hedonism is going to work, paying taxes, getting exercise, eating healthy food, and doing all kinds of other things that typify a Type-A personality more than the typical activities of a rock star. Because all that Type-A stuff creates a better overall life--provided it is pursued for the right reasons, and a little fun is thrown in with it.

Here's the essence of the practice. The concept is simple, though the realization of the concept is of course much more difficult:

1. Imagine your entire life, from start to finish.
2. Imagine how you would like to live that life. Include all aspects of the human experience, be it physical, mental, spiritual, religious, political, environmental--anything.
3. Create a plan that will allow you to live that life as much as possible.
4. Frequently review the plan. Things change.

Step 3 is obviously a doozy. I doubt there is a single human being alive who can claim they are perfect at step 3, and only a few would dare to suggest they're pretty good at it. Step 2 is even harder, oddly enough. Anyone with a good imagination will have trouble choosing amid the myriad possibilities, and finding the right fit for you is even harder. The important thing is to try and not to be afraid of failing. Failure happens. Learn from it, and try again. In fact, don't think about failure as failure, but as learning.

If I ever get the hang of these steps, I'll let you know. It might be a while. But I have always found them valuable to contemplate and pursue. Every time I do, my life gets better.

Expanding on Mind, Body, and Spirit

I really like the traditional Mind, Body, Spirit breakdown. It nicely summarizes some distinct yet interconnected areas of the human experience. Here's some working definitions for how I look at them:

Mind - Decision making. Learning. Every choice and all intellectual knowledge falls here, from pondering the intricacies of quantum mechanics to the reflexive action of your hand when catching a ball.

Body - Fitness, wellness, sleep, water, nutrition. Everything directly physical like strength. Overlaps with mind where balance and reflex are concerned.

Spirit - The willingness to continue living. The hope that keeps you striving to accomplish your goals. The joy of living that makes you laugh and enjoy good art.

These categories are great, but I do find them limited. For example, modern life in a western democracy can be greatly impacted by having adequate health insurance. That could be covered under Body sorta, but really this is a characteristic of your economic situation, not your body. Likewise, all lives since the dawn of time have benefited from living in an environment that can sustain life and is generally non-toxic.

So I propose some "environmental" categories that ought to be considered by any modern ninja:

Feng Shui (literally, the water and air) - First of all, the literal aspects of the quality of water and air. But also more emotional things, like having a place to relax where it is easy to relax or a place to work where it is easy to work, or how often you get to feel the sun. This category is a good one for the contemplation of the phrase, "I and the land are one."

Social - Yes, this really impacts your Spirit, but worth a separate category. Are you in a situation where you get to spent time with people and animals who enrich your life, or are you isolated or abused by your social situation?

Legal - Are you on the right side of the law (assuming the law is itself in the right)? Are you able to protect your rights?

Economic - Do you have a good balance of incoming and outgoing money? Are you insured (collectively or individually) against unexpected problems? Do you have investments that will improve your lot in the future?

Societal - Are the strangers around you well cared for and therefore pleasant and safe, or are they in desperate situations and therefore unpleasant and aggressive? To wax mildly political, it's important to understand that if you allow the people around you to suffer from a lack of aid and guidance, your own life may suffer.

Political - Do you have the freedom to be who you want to be, or are you forced into a role by an aggressive culture and politics? Do your police and military have enforced rules to curtail their powers, or do they abuse the public? Do policy-makers take care of the societal category adequately, or do they generate societal problems?

Astrophysical - This may sound silly, but asteroid impacts are a genuine concern over at NASA, and I think we'd be better off as a species if we were better able to detect the really dangerous ones. Similarly, a massive and unluckily-timed solar event could fry half the power grids and computer networks on the planet. So don't write this off too quickly.

I'm sure there are other categories I could come up with, but these are a good start. Much the way that the chakras progress from the most basic emotions, like fear for survival, and work out to the most suble ones, like the feeling of spiritual connectedness, the above spheres move from the personal to global (and beyond). It's not a bad exercise.

Check-In: 2014-12-30 to 2015-01-07

Physical: FAIL (lack of exercise, though good diet and rest)
Willpower: PASS (gaming)
Emotional: PASS (gaming)
Social: TOTAL WIN! (visiting friends and family)

Okay, a bit of catch-up required here to get the check-ins back on track. New Years is not ideal for the diligent maintenance of routines. :)

Project Own the Night is not going perfectly, but I'm mostly getting good rest with reasonable bedtimes. I've slipped a little in the last couple of days, but they've been an exiting couple of days so that's natural. Now that I'm in Victoria again I should be getting back to a good routine. Last night I was in bed shortly after midnight, which is reasonable.

Gaming--or more specifically, Game Mastering RPGs--requires focus and creativity, so I think this counts for Willpower. This should start getting really good over the next weeks, as I will be focusing on writing projects. Gaming is also good for emotional wins.

And I saw a lot of my friends and my parents, which was nice after being a little bit less sociable around Christmas. Now that I'm staying with my friend in Victoria, social should be a pretty easy category too.

In short, I was lazy for a bit, but things should be getting right back on track.

Back in Victoria

This morning I awoke to a view out the window of a delicate fog rolling through the boughs of evergreen trees, as I am back in Victoria.

I flew over from Edmonton yesterday, which was as uneventful as could be hoped with air travel. That is, nothing bad happened while we were in the air. The flight was late getting in, we then had to wait for de-icer before taking off, and at Victoria the bridge to connect the plane to the terminal wasn't working so we had to get towed to a different one. I didn't mind any of it, though, because nothing bad happened in the air. And if de-icer is needed, then I'm happy to wait to get it. So that nothing bad happens in the air.

I might be a mildly nervous flier. I know the stats, that air travel is much safer than driving or probably even walking. I think it's just that if something does go wrong your only recourse is praying, and that powerlessness gets to me a little.

Anyway, logged into my friend's Wii U last night and found that I'd hit my weight goal over the holidays, which is good. I ate a delicious cordon (chicken filled with garlic cream cheese in the spirit of chicken cordon blue). I dropped some garlic cream cheese on the crotch of my pants, and then discovered that I'd somehow managed to leave all my other pants at home.

Sigh. I was sure I'd thrown an extra pair in first. I guess I should have double-checked.

So today I'm going to the mall to get more pants.

Still, I'm optimistic. Bacon is cooking, I'm looking forward to some exercise, and I've already had a couple of cool ideas that I now need to transform from scribbles in a notebook to scribbles in a google doc. And then there's the environment: the quality of the air, the warm temperatures, and the delicate fog rolling through the boughs of evergreen trees.